Sunday, September 24, 2006

When I was....

Tagged by Benjamin Yue

This is hamjay's history

When I was born,

I was born with an exact weight of 7.11 pounds. Also, when I was born, a lot of animals patronized my house, dogs, cats, fox, a goat and a snake to be exact.

When I was 1,
I remember that my parents said I could already walk. The scary part about this year was, my mum send me over to the babysitter. This lady a little crazy. She play with me like roti canai. She tossed me up in to the air, to eventually catch me back. She did catch me back, but this time, I was in a different colour. Red to be exact. The walls in the house were red too. Well, what happen was, this smart lady toss me but she did not see the fan. Thanks to her, I have 16 stiches in my head, at that time. The best part was, the lady didn't wanna tell my mum that I was in pain. She did not call my mum at work, NOTHING! She just waited for my mum to get back from work, and she said I fell down! Thanks to my sister who saw the incident happen, spilled the beans on her. When we arrived at the clinic, the doc said I would have died/coma, if I were half-hour a little more late.

When I was 2,

I was already singing numerous Christian hymns.

When i was 3,

I remember thinking that if I were to spin around fast enough, I would eventually fly and conquer the world. Sweat!

When i was 4,

I remember scolding my aunts for coming to my house, if they don't buy for me anything. Sheesh, what a greedy nut.

When i was 5,

I was in my grandma's house, playing masak masak with my cousin (leftover rice+playdough+milk). I even remembered feeding it to the stray cat outside, and I never saw that cat ever again.

How cute? Wth is that bump on my head? Like cartoon character la!

When i was 6,

I remember there was this girl, who sat on me, and that marks my manhood (hornyness). Haha.

When i was 7,

I held my mothers hand so tight, never letting go. I didn't wanna go to school! I also remember I had this crush on a Malay girl, named Farah. I used to use my pocket money (RM0.50) to buy her jambu(guava) and act cool, as if i bought for her some thing expensive. I also used to run ALOT in front of her, trying to show her how strong I was (I constantly fell down for that). When my sis asked why I had so many bruises and was experiencing fatigue, I told her why and with this simple sentence

"Girls like muscles"

When i was 8,

I still liked the Malay girl. I remember forming a small gang with a couple of friends at that time, to act cool. In order to show our "kuasa", what we did was, we took our normal 1.5liter drinking bottles, filled it to the rim with water, punctured holes on the cover of the bottle, and sprayed it to anyone! Once I was alone, and I sprayed it on one of the Std1 girls, and a teacher caught me! I got one tight slap from him. Haihh.

When i was 9

Standard 3 was the most painful yet memorable year. First off, this was the year I became a prefect. I had a theory on how I would make the teacher pick me to become a prefect

"Act studios, sure work one~!"

That was precisely what I did. I acted so well, writing my essays in my exercise book, coloring and drawing "inside" the lines until she picked me to be a prefect. I still have a picture I drew back then.

Wahseh, siap with perspective summore. After that, I screwed everything! I was then given a name by the teacher

"Bukan pengawas, tapi mawas!"

I never understood what mawas meant back then. I thought it meant Good Prefect! And that's when I opened the bilingual dictionary for the first time, and mawas here meant monkey/chimpanzee. This was also the year where I got alot of broken limbs. Broke them several times during the year. I was a popular face in the Klang Hospital, so much so the nurses learnt calling my name properly, rather than, Ha-mit-ton, or Hamidtonne or Ah-Mit-ton.

When i was 10,

Standard four, I got another crush, on a girl named Evon. I'm still keeping the love letter I wanted to send to her since then.So romantic eh? I also have a essay I wrote when way back in '98.

Haha, summore so semangat put date. I can't believe I went so school on Saturday, and I can't believe I'm keeping all these. Standard Four was also the year I had a lot of cuts and stitches on my body. So far, I think I have more then 20 stitches on my head.

When i was 11,

Standard 5, hmm, oh yeah! I remember during an exam, I wanted to go to the loo so bad! So I walked out of the class, down the stairs, to find the gate locked. Shit! My pee coming out! I can't afford to walk all the way to the other side of the corridor to the other gate. Bright idea popped up. I climbed back up the stairs, and JUMPED DOWN! That's a storey high! Broke my leg and hand. Well my pee mysteriously dissapeared as it's subsitute PAIN appeared. Hell yeah! Praise me for my quick thinking! Btw, I flunked that exam.

When i was 12,

UPSR, the exam I found to be the best. During the exam, the invigilator, actually POINTED the answers to me. Haha. Thank God for such people. I got a flush of A's for UPSR. Yay! Hmm, parting from primary school was hard, and we, children, came up with the Autograph book to remember us by. This was what Audrey wrote to me,

When i was 13,

Entered HSK, a 5 mins walk from my primary school. This school was HUGE! With 3 canteens, a seperate block for the library and a fish pond to fish, seriously, this school was huge. Hmm, I became a prefect here as well. I remember a joke I made about something sensitive, and I got diciplinary action taken towards me. DAMN YOU AKS! (AKS refers to a guy who ratted me out to the dicipline teacher. Before I told the joke, he sweared he won't tell anyone).

When i was 14,

This year was the bomb la. I teamed up with my best friend Kenneth Ng, for some hillarious classroom activities. During lessons, we would play chess. We had names for the people in our class i.e. (Thayabaran = tayarbaran = wheelbaran) or (Peronda 1&2, as this guy always patrols the class). We also had a friend named Kah Kok,(Kah = cut in chinese. You do the math). For Kenneth's birthday, I remember buying a Gardenia Muffin, stuff it with a white waxed candle,(the super huge type) and celebrating it during History class. I never did study this whole year. I only had 1(ONE) notebook for ALL 7(SEVEN) subjects. I was promoted from normal prefect to AJK! Good times, good times.

When i was 15,

This was the most regretful and sad-dest(Is that a word) year of my entire life. Well, I got booted from school. Seriously. I curse that mofo who played me out la.
Lets start this story from where it all began.

Prefects in HSK were considered THE prefects of Klang. I was proud to be one of them, to wear full white uniform, with the green tie, black boots, and black belt, we looked awesome. The entry into the prefectorial board was NOT easy. Well, if you were a prefect in Form 2, you automatically LOSE it. Thats right. You get fired when you come up to Form 3. Since the board was controled by the prefects, there was ZERO involment from teachers. So, in order to be a prefect, we had to go through ragging. And this ragging, was not for the faint hearted. We were stripped, beaten, painted on, humiliated, for 2 weeks. I still have nightmares over it. Well, once you do become a prefect, life can never be the same. You have ULTIMATE power. Imagine slapping a student for being late, or shouting "SHUT UP FORM 5!" during assembly, or heck, taking the mic, shouting "FUCK YOU PEOPLE!CAN YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?" at the students. Yeah, life was great. The prefects in HSK had thier own seperate prefect room, that was co-joined with the hall of the school. We had entrance to the hall, and God knows what shit we did there. We had a mini-football game, using non other than "barangan rampas para pelajar" which included the Nokia 3310. I never attended ANY classes in school except for History, cuz I was scared of the teacher. Imagine that! Well, hatred kindled among the students and teachers of HSK, and guess what the prefects did? We ALL resigned. The school ran amuk for the whole day. Gang-fights were everywhere. NO classes were runned during that day. It was the most chaotic day ever recorded in HSK history.

Back to my story then. Well, during this time, we were assigned to escort the PMR trial paper to the school vault. However, the vault was closed. So, having no other choice, we had to place it in the teachers lounge. After that happened, the evil-one beside me(my ex-friend) taunted me to steal those papers. I agreed. I went over to the teachers lounge. No teachers were present at that time, as it was Monday Morning Assembly. I took a couple of BLANK A4 papers, and quickly waved it to my friend who was waiting outside. He was overjoyed and asked me to photostat a copy for him and pass it to him tomorrow, as he thought I had stolen the papers. The next day, I overslept and didn't go to school.

Guess what happened? This mofo got scared that he won't get his papers, or I might report him to the teachers, he, REPORTED me! I got a call from him that Tuesday morning, telling me to come to school as they had 'found out'. WTH? My mum called the school, and the Pengetua says

"Your son has been kicked from the school. Please come and collect the letters"

WTF? How can they kick without having a investigation? I headed to school, my mum spoked to the teachers, since the fucking Pengetua had gone for a FUCKIN HOLIDAY. We came to school every single day since then, just to meet the that Pengetua. I remember sitting with my mum on this bench every day

She did come back, ONE WEEK LATER! So happen, on the day she came back, the police were in her office. She nonchalantly said to my parents

"I've called the police on this matter"

Actually, the police then told my parents that they were doing thier usual check ups every month on every school. Shitty right? It's a damn long story la seriously. There was also this teacher, En.Sabri, who threatened me to confess stealing the paper, with a rattan. Foolish bastard.

I visited that school a week ago, and this is a writing I saw on the wall.

The sentence from kicking me out of the school was reduced to 'gantung-sekolah' or rather temporary absence from school for 2 weeks. My parents were furious as the school had no grounds nor proof of the entire school. Thus, we sued the school. Yes, we SUED them. I was immediately reinstated with a letter of apology and with a guaranteed no-fault prefect status, but my parents didn't want me to continue in that school. I was transferred to SMKSAS. I got straight A's for PMR, although there were trials and tribulations.

When i was 16,

Form 4 in a new school, it was a real pleasure this time, when I finally met with a bunch of new friends. There was a trio in our school, me, Daniel and ChiewH. We were a unstoppable crew of bombers(argue-ers). I remembered making a teacher cry and she ran out of the class, never wanting to teach my class again. I also remembered how perverted my principal was. She used to see students coming out of toilets, forgetting to zip up thier pants, and yell to them,

"Tak payah nak tunjuk tunjuk ok? I dah pernah lihat lebih besar daripada itu".

Eww...geli. As this was a coed school, I got some preety neat ideas from the boys using a simple household product, the Mirror.

1) Place(stick) Mirror on shoe. In times of horny-ness, walk behind a girl, put your feet directly under her skirt, and have the time of your life. In times where there is a need to conceal your WMD(Weapon-of-Mas-TURBATION), place the tounge of the shoe above it.

2) Stick mirror on the fan for two purposes. For one, to view your classmates tops, and two, during exams, complain its cold. The fan would then be turned off, allowing for view of objective question answers of the person infront of you.

I also met the best teacher I had ever come across, Pn. Pushpa. She was the best la, allowing me to have recess anytime I wanted, or tell the prefects what to do. I wasn't a prefect then, but the three of us were literally above the prefects.

When i was 17,

The same as when I was in 16, I had a subsitute for Kenneth, and he's name was Alvin. Damn you Al-bai! Everytime in class, when I'm concentrating, he'll ask me a question, and I'll get scolding for talking! WTH! I never studied in this year as well, and managed to scrape 5 distinctions for SPM. Hooray!

The morale is, memories are the essense of life. Never think that you hate your current situation. Someday, sometime, you'll look back and laugh.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 12:32 PM
7 people in the crowd heard my words

The Lover

  • You're the ghost of royalty imposing love,
  • You are the queen and king combining everything,
  • Into twining like a ring around the finger of a girl.
  • I'm just a singer,
  • You're the world,
  • All I can bring ya,
  • Is the language of a lover.

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Once Upon A Time