Thursday, June 07, 2007

It's very interesting, and educational, sorta like CSI, but more biological related complications. The rather amusing part about House, is his bizzare way of diagnosing diseases. He does it in such manner, that you'd be taken in shock of his rude and self-centered personality.

Case Scenario #1:

Tattooed Walk-in Patient: [turning to leave] I should go.

Dr. House: You think it's going to come out on its own? [the patient stops] Are we talking bigger than a bread basket? Because, actually, it will come out on its own, which for small stuff is no problem - it's wrapped up in a nice soft package and plop. Big stuff - you're going to rip something, which, speaking medically, is when the fun stops.

Tattooed Walk-in Patient: How did you--

Dr. House: You've been here half an hour and you haven't sat down, that tells me its location. You haven't told me what it is, that tells me it's humiliating. You have a little birdy carved under your arm, and that tells me you have a high tolerance for humiliation, so I'm figuring it's not hemorrhoids. [pause for awkward silence] I've been a doctor twenty years. You're not going to surprise me.

Tattooed Walk-in Patient: It's an MP3 player.

Dr. House: [trying to keep himself from laughing] Hmm. Is it... is it because of the size, or the shape... or is it the pounding bass line?

Tattooed Walk-in Patient: What are we going to do?

Dr. House: I'm going to wait.

Tattooed Walk-in Patient: For what?!

[Scene change: House leaving the walk-in clinic]

Dr. House: [to the reception nurses] Okay. It's 3 o'clock, I'm off. Could you tell Dr. Cuddy there's a patient in exam room 2 that needs her attention? And the RIAA wants her to check for illegal downloads.


Case Scenario #2:

Dr. House: Everybody lies.

Dr. Cameron: Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients.

Dr. Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?

Dr. House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.

Case Scenario #3

Dr. Cameron: Why did you hire me?

Dr. House: Does it matter?

Dr. Cameron: Kind of hard to work for a guy who doesn't respect you.

Dr. House: Why?

Dr. Cameron: Is that rhetorical?

Dr. House: No, it just seems that way because you can't think of an answer. Does it make a difference what I think? I'm a jerk. The only thing that matters is what you think. Can you do the job?

Dr. Cameron: You hired a black guy because he had a juvenile record.

Dr. House: No, it wasn't a racial thing, I didn't see a black guy. I just saw a doctor... with a juvenile record. I hired Chase 'cause his dad made a phone call. I hired you because you are extremely pretty.

Dr. Cameron: You hired me to get into my pants?!

Dr. House: I can't believe that that would shock you. It's also not what I said. No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece of art in the lobby.

Dr. Cameron: I was in the top of my class.

Dr. House: But not THE top.

Dr. Cameron: I did an internship at the Mayo Clinic.

Dr. House: Yes, you were a very good applicant.

Dr. Cameron: But not the best?

Dr. House: Would that upset you, really? To think that you were hired because of some genetic gift of beauty, not some genetic gift of intelligence?

Dr. Cameron: I worked very hard to get where I am.

Dr. House: But you didn't have to. People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort. That's the law of nature, and you defied it. That's why I hired you. You could have married rich, could have been a model, you could have just shown up and people would have given you stuff. Lots of stuff, but you didn't, you worked your stunning little ass off.

Dr. Cameron: Am I supposed to be flattered?

Dr. House: Gorgeous women do not go to medical school. Unless they're as damaged as they are beautiful. Were you abused by a family member?

Dr. Cameron: No!

Dr. House: Sexually assaulted?

Dr. Cameron: No.

Dr. House: But you are damaged, aren't you?