Friday, October 19, 2012

Chapter 2: The Ties that Bind

"Danielle?" he whispered, as he stood behind her, caressed her seemingly thinner waistline, and gazed into her eyes from the mirror, wondering if things were ever going to be the same way again. He could only wish that he did not have to do this to her again. Seeing her in utter agony, waiting for him to return every single time proved too much even for him. He knew that it was inevitable that it would come to this; and in that self-loathing remorse that he had grown to live with for years, he finally realized that he was beyond help; not by her or anyone else for that matter.

She turned the tap off and looked back at him through his reflection, reciprocating his call with a mere lift of her eyebrows. She was nonchalant, but euphoric. He was here, right back to where he belonged, by her side. She knew better now though, she knew that whatever happened to her, happened for a specific reason. She was not going to succumb to it again. Enough was enough this time round, and yet she knew that this was not the first time she thought about it.

Danielle turned around, her breath now steady, and sighed. The mere thought of what she was about to say, and to him, made her nauseous.

I can't do this anymore baby, I really can't.

She had rehearsed this very line countless times, and everytime she did, it was only to her own reflection. This time however, the tides had shifted. In front of him, she was putty. She tightened her fists, it was now or never.

"Damien, I can't.....", she uttered, as suddenly an all too familiar gesture silenced her. His finger on her lips, preventing her from saying another word. That very gesture was strangely comforting; as every time she was in doubt and spoke out of doubt, he would calm her down, and she knew that as always, he was never going to let her fall.

"I know, I know how it feels, the moon of my life, to be oblivious to whether I lived or died, but believe you me, you won't ever lose sleep again. I am home".

The bedroom door creaked slightly, only to reveal a set of ghastly eyes, filled with vengeance and bloodlust, staring and watching their every move.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 11:32 PM
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Wednesday, July 07, 2010


everybody seems to be waiting on something, somehow to happen. a sign from god perhaps, for them to take the right direction in life? i mean there are times when signs do occur, but at times, and i'm quoting from the movie Evan Almighty, when you pray for patience, god doesn't give you patience, he gives you an opportunity to be patient, and thus it would be the same for signs as well don't you think?

sometimes you just got to open your eyes and maybe what you were searching for is right there in front of you, waiting for you to accept it, and at other times just take the risk and go by that. it might be the best decision you have ever taken.

at times, the leap of faith is the only step forward.

one man to another, if you don't move forward, you're only moving backwards.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 8:18 AM
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Saturday, April 17, 2010

chapter 1 - misery

2 years before.

Danielle opened her eyes. Her thoughts were always in a flurry in the mornings; the spinning blades of the ceiling fan bolted above her didn't help much either. She closed her eyes again, her thoughts focused on him this time. Her fingers crept towards his side on the bed, trying to get a feel of him. She knew better though, he wasn't going to be there; he never was.

She then rested her fingers on her eyes, trying to adjust her eyes to the sunlight that was about to hit them. The duvet that kept her warm during the last winter were still on the bed, unwashed and unkempt. She never really had time to clean up after herself really, as he was constantly on her mind. It was as if he was a virus of sorts, eating away into her thoughts, killing the good memories they shared together and replacing them with sorrowful entries that would often make her weep.

She managed to pull herself to the closet. As she yanked the door open, she noticed a pale figure staring back at her. It had a pale and almost anemic skin with rings around its eyes that could only sum up that it had a really poor sleep, mostly due to the fact that it had been crying itself to sleep. Danielle began to comb her hair, refusing to believe that it was in fact her own reflection that she was staring at. It was a boost of confidence, to her at least, that she wasn't going to be a girl trapped in her own feelings, but a girl, unlike others, that is going to accept the fate that she had chosen.

She removed her sleeping robe, put her hands on her waist and realized that her feelings for him had even taken a toll on her health, as she was few stones lighter than she was when she first laid her eyes on him. She paced herself towards the shower, turned it on, and stepped inside. The bath was exactly what she needed. To her, it felt as it the sudden chill of the rushing water cleared all her insecurities and her doubts.

She stepped out of the shower, and looked at herself at the bathroom mirror.

"You're back," she whispered, as she placed her hand on the countertop

"How'd you know it was me?" he replied, resting his back on the bathroom door.

She turned her head, and stared at him. He looked a lot different than usual, but his gaze at her seemed familiar and comfortable.

"Your eyes give you away."

"So does your lips, my love."

She ran towards him, her thoughts provoked by his return. She leaped on to him, and wrapped her legs around his unfamiliar waist, and kissed him. He held her close to his chest, and as he kissed her neck, whispered into her ears,

"I love you".

Her heart thumped the same way it did back when she first fell in love with him. Danielle knew that no other man could make her feel the way she did every time he returned. It was like falling in love all over again, and it felt amazing.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 2:09 AM
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prologue to misery

She stood there motionless; her eyes began to tear. She couldn't help herself, there was nothing she could do that could have saved her from what was to come. He was leaving, and this time, she knew that it would be the last time she would ever lay her eyes on him.

"Dont go", she whispered, "Please, just don't".

He kept on walking; each step shredding every bit of memory they once shared. She remained static, hoping he would turn around just once and look at her. She was willing to sacrifice everything just to go back to the time when everything seemed simple.


She watched him walk away slowly, like an ethereal figure into the darkness. Her instincts told her to run after him, but alas, her legs felt like it was bolted to the ground; numb and lifeless. She looked up at the dark sky and in silence, cursed her very existence. The sky, as if sympathetic to her, began to tear as well, and craftily washed away her tears.

How could it get any worse than this...

Her heart began to race as the memories played in her head. She clenched her fist and knelt on the ground, begging for the pain to stop. She then drew her fist to her chest, pounding it furiously. The sudden movement drew all her energy away in an instant. It was useless now, her arms couldn't stop her forehead from resting on the ground.

Her eyes still open, she used every ounce of energy she had to search for any glimpse of him on Misery Avenue, but he was long gone, and so was the little drawing they scribbled together on the curb when they first met on the same street a year ago. She closed her eyes.

Rest in Peace, Danielle Stevens.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:47 AM
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Thursday, January 07, 2010


Have faith in me
Cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

Have faith in me.


what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 8:04 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Monday, May 04, 2009


"Hope dangles on a thread,
Like slow spinning redemption,
Winding in, and winding out,
The shine of it, had caught my eye"

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 7:12 PM
1 people in the crowd heard my words

the one and only you

Her eyes, her beautiful eyes, that seem to calm the mightiest storm; the very same eyes that seem to see through the depths of my soul.

Her lips, the lips with seems to perfectly complete her beauty; the adorning moment everytime I notice her pressing them together and biting her lower lip; the very same lips that I would have given anything to have it brush against mine.

Her hair, of which I used to kiss the essence of its growth; the top of her head; the enticing smell her natural scent; the way her hair is clipped to the edge of her forehead ever so perfectly and the way her hair seemingly crowns her beauty.

Her eyelashes, the way it curls up top naturally.

Her scent; the perfume of which fills my senses.

Her ears; the way they parade her earrings; that particularly large tainted gold earrings that she wears often that seemed to balance her personality.

Her arms; that seems small, but packs an enormous punch.

Her little drawings; her funny little sketches; if I had the chance I'd frame them up for the way it makes me laugh everytime I see them.

Her little laughs over MSN; the way it melts me everytime I know I made her laugh.

Her stature; the way her body is perfectly proportioned, the way she stands straight.

Her height; that complements mine; allowing me to plant a kiss on her head unnoticed; the way I'm able to hug her and give her security; her hugs.

Her taste of music; the songs that seems to comfort me, even tho the songs weren't made for that reason.

Her alter-egoes; the way she acts them out, making them so believable but ludicrously funny.

Her sudden sense of direction; the way she unknowingly holds my hand to point me in the right direction.

Her skin; her complexion; the way she steals the spotlight unaware that all eyes are on her; and the way she complains that she hates the attention shes getting.

Her humbleness.

Her passion for children.

Her life.

Her soul.

Her dreams.

Her aspirations.

Her thoughts.

Her mind.

Her goals.

Her challenges.

Her shortcomings.

Her flaws.

Her beliefs.

Her taste in men.

Her taste in non-men.

Her randomness.

Her everything.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 2:36 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Friday, May 01, 2009

The story of a girl

Everlasting beauty in a gown,
Oh, beauty that surrounds,
Would you turn my life around?
Or am I another grain on the ground.

Oh, love we're going down,
Down to a place where love will never be found,
To a place where no one makes a sound,
For they mourn for the girl who was passionately bound.

They say love can always be found,
And yet it'll never cost you a pound,
But how foolish were the people of that town,
As the girl who was bound was forever frowned upon.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 4:33 PM
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The tulip and the bee

The Tulip and the Bee,
Was that all it was ever going to be?
For it was a sin for the bee to hope in glee,
For the tulip to blossom beautifully.

The tulip, in its enchanting glory,
Never made the bee sorry,
As the bee would only have a single story,
For he knew his wait would end in agony.

In an attempt to alter destiny,
The bee tried to shape history,
But the tulip he cared for dearly,
Had given him no future beyond neutrality.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 4:31 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Long Overdue Post, with an excerpt for You!

Tears were all I had left. I had lost everything, I, sabotaged the best thing I had in my life. Everywhere I turned; there was at least one thing that reminded me of her presence. I couldn’t help it, I was falling, now deeper than ever. I had to pull myself together. I had to. If I don’t go after her, who will? I had to set things straight.

I got up from the bathroom floor, drenched and cold. My heart couldn’t possibly long for someone else more than it longed for her. My mind was in a daze. What could have possibly set her off? What made her storm out the way she did? What was it?

After a quick change of clothes, I got into the car, clocked the ignition, and drove off. There was no stoned left unturned in my effort of regaining her. I looked in every nook and corner, to no avail. I felt for the first time in my life, helpless. I wished that God would morph me into a canine, at least so I could find her through her scent.

I drove miles and miles, and at times, unintentionally passing the same street twice. I couldn’t help it. I was too much in a shock at her sudden shift off the norm.

I started fumbling around for my cell phone in the car. It was vibrating, but the lack of a ring tone made it hard for me locate it. Grabbing it, I answered the call with a swift key press.


“Jay, is that you?”

“Cheryl? Where are you?”, I replied with a saddened tone, she never did call me by my name. Something was terribly amiss.

“I’m….I’m sorry. I really am. I know I owe you more than an apology, and definitely a reason; but I…I can’t bring myself to it. I wish you and I were back in the way we were, but I can’t stop fate. I’m sorry. I’m at…..”

And with that, I opened my eyes again. Everything was bright. The shrill ringing of the respirator beside and the sharp pain on my thigh brought me back to my senses. I was lying stationary on a bed, wrapped in white like a mummy, only with one small difference; I was alive. The pain was unbearable. Questions came like mushrooms after rain, popping out one by one. What was I doing here?

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 11:50 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

The Lover

  • You're the ghost of royalty imposing love,
  • You are the queen and king combining everything,
  • Into twining like a ring around the finger of a girl.
  • I'm just a singer,
  • You're the world,
  • All I can bring ya,
  • Is the language of a lover.

  • View my complete profile


Once Upon A Time